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"I need a favour. You got a minute?"

No. No I don't.
My heart feels ripped out of my chest and trampled on too often.
My ears open to screams in the morning.
My eyes close crying every night.
My mind always turns dreams into nightmares.
My lungs contract too soon for me to catch my breath.
My worries far outweigh my years.
My brain feels overworked, overwrought, so tired.
My stomach cramps every night and I curl up in pain.
My knees weaken often but I'm still standing.
My mouth goes dry and I can't speak.
My hands dampen because I have too much to think about.
My bones feel weaker than they ever have before.

But I don't think it's anything to be worried about, really.
So,
"Sure. How can I help you?"
Sometimes. People. Just. Make. Me. Want. To. SCREAM!

EDIT: For the people who are saying things like 'stand up for yourself' and 'not judging but you should be happy', it is very hard to be happy when you have to keep secrets like rape and miscarriage for fear of secondary victimisation. The people in my country are not nearly as understanding. Virginity has a high value and if you are not a virgin, even against your will, you are trash. My family actually told me to hide what happened to me and pretend it never happened. This poem is the scream for help I feel every time I have to swallow my own pain and pretend to be normal for someone else who is asking me for a favour.

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:iconwargusestor:
WargusEstor Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate to this poem and also partially to what it says in artists comments as I too have suffered abuse. I'm sorry that it should happen to you :huggle: I'm terribly sorry that your family feels this way about the subject too.

That said, your writing is beautiful
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:iconnikki-ism:
Nikki-ism Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012
:heart:
Reply
:iconlordoftheringsfan:
LordOfTheRingsFan Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Unfortuately, a lot of people probably feel this way, including me... beautifully done. :)
Reply
:iconmintymintamin:
MintyMintamin Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
normal, is a paradox

i'm sorry this ever happened to you,
people, can be, are, just cruel to each other. . .

. . .i wish to say more, but i dont know where i will venture off to. . .
Reply
:icongohibi:
GOHIBI Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012
My dear heart, you do stand up for yourself. Every time you write. Every time you take a photo. Every other piece of atr you do, you are standing up and saying I am still here and I won't be stopped. I am grateful to know you even as I do here. I don't want to just have your back, I want you to feel I am beside you. I understand about saying yes even when everythng in you wants to say no. Again I read and weep. I have shared some of the things you have experienced. I would so hold you until your tears were dry if I could.
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:icondebidebdebdeb:
debidebdebdeb Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
Why can't you tell the person you are closest to? It will set you free. Really. It will. You have ruined the greatest thing that happened to either of us. You let the secrets(and the people who victimized you) continue to control you and torture you every day. You also now allow them to hurt me through you. Why?Why can't you tell me? Why don't you tell me? You don't trust me ? I have not earned your trust by now? I told you everything. But I am not worthy of the same. We never will have intimacy until you can tell me everything. And you won't. That's why I gave up. You are in pain because you have the ability to end it any time. All you have to do is make it so a secret is not a secret. Then it loses all the power it's held over you all these years. I can't beliee you gave me a speech on secrets an lies and how they ruin relationships. Well they do. You watch me every day. I don't have any secrets from you. But how many do you have from me? That's why we have nothing. And you hold the key to all of it. All the pain could go away.
I will love you and accept you no matter what. Don't you see that by now? (this is for my friend that told me to read this poem. I guess it really resonated with her.) Change something today please,my love. Do you care anything about how I feel? Can imagine what it is like to be me? Let go of the secrets. Free both of us. Please. How long will you let this go on? I love you, but hate you because you let secrets and lies destroy us, you, me. Its a choice you make, every day. I can't forgive you for doing this. For not sharing your deepest darkest sectrets. You tell me I am not your best friens, not your soulmate, and I don't meant as much to you as you claim. That hurts me so deeply.
I would take your secrets on my shoulders too. I will help you and support you. We could do it together. That is what people who love each other do. MU
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So true. So very true indeed.

At least you speak up and are open to talk about it - this'll help those who've suffered from such a trauma.

Reminds me of Joyce and Hesse - not through the work itself but on a relative perspective. Joyce and Hesse were Jungian patients; the former because of his daughter (Jung analyzed him through his daughter and generally through casual interaction) while the latter was a direct patient of the psychologist. Their inner turmoil was in a way like this; Joyce was disillusioned with being something he was not, while Hesse (suffering from exile, humiliation, the death of his son, the mental deterioration of his father, the trauma of being disregarded by his fellow Germans) was more or less in a deadpool till Jung came in.

What both had in common was their constant support for everyone - though they were two entirely different giants in their own right (you of course would know that better than I would so I'll spare the details).

yeah... that's about it - body speak, mouth don't.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Talking to you is always an education. I would actually like to have a conversation with you one day over the phone or gmail or something. It would be fascinating to talk to someone so knowledgable. :hug: note me and let me know!! :D
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*scratching the back of head* I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable person on the planet, I just say what I've read or learnt... but if your up for it... awesome :) :hug: I'll send you a note sometime then, we'll have a conversation.
Reply
:icondragonfuture:
dragonfuture Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, were you raped? I didn't know. :omfg:
I really love this. It's so familiar...
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I was actually raped twice. It's an awful, awful way to live. But I get a lot of theaputic writing done and it helps. :)
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:icondragonfuture:
dragonfuture Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow. I just can't even... think about how that must've been.
How did you... tell your family/friends?
I'm fine if you don't want to talk about this, sorry for being so curious.
What do you write about then?
Reply
:iconsynaesthetic1:
Synaesthetic1 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012
rapists need to get eaten. Alive. Because that is what it seems like what happens to the people they hurt.
Reply
:iconbluvenus14:
BluVenus14 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Student Digital Artist
No matter how quickly my mind goes through a similar litany every time someone asks that question, there's always a pause. I hate that no one hears that pause that so clearly says, "No, I don't, leave me the fuck alone."
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Amen to that. I know what you mean. :)
Reply
:iconozerablue18:
OzeraBlue18 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing. I'm so sorry to hear about that... Um, what country do you live in?
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. I used to live in India actually. :(
Reply
:iconozerablue18:
OzeraBlue18 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That is..... not a great system...
Reply
:iconhaggard85:
haggard85 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
How can a mirror cut so well? Damn people for not having the wherewithal to see the pain that lies underneath, and act as if everything is fine. But also, thank you for creating such a beautifully provocative image of this reality. Thank you, that perhaps your words may open at least one set of eyes.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have missed you Neil. :hug:
Reply
:iconhaggard85:
haggard85 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012
And I have missed talking to you. It's just the last couple really cut to the core. It was hard to reply without allowing the pain and bitterness to manifest. But I'm still so very happy for the achievements you have made.
Reply
:iconmrs-freestar-bul:
Mrs-Freestar-Bul Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The poem is really really beautiful, the way you wrote it is absolutely gorgeous and yes, you are totally right.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, my dear. :hug:
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:iconsekt7:
SekT7 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
I feel for you. While I can't say I was raped, every story I hear leaves a very bold scar on my ears. It's a weird way to put it, but it works. To me, rape is the most unforgivable crime. Even with murder, the victims are done. No lasting pain. But for rape, it's with you forever. My sister shares a similar story to yours, except her Killer got off free by claiming her to be a lunatic.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh. :( I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Please please accept my condolences. :(

I hope the karma in this world all comes together and punishes the man who has hurt her most severely. :(
Reply
:icontenrahsoj:
Tenrahsoj Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
Great poem. Though I haven't been through what you have, I can relate to feeling like everything's just being piled on top of you without giving you a moment to catch up.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. :hug: I am glad you could relate. :)
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:iconmaerd7733scaip:
Maerd7733SCAIP Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, gods, I know exactly how that feels. Not the rape-part, but the "I-want-to-say-no-so-why-am-I-saying-yes" part. People do that to me all the time, every day-rip my heart out, crush me, shatter me into tiny pieces-and then still expect me to be happy and even complain when I get upset about it.

So, this poem has an emotional connection to me. Yup. Beautifully written :hug:
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am so sorry. I know how it feels to have ungrateful people surround you. :hug:
Reply
:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm very sorry that you are treated like that :[ I see that here myself from my religious subculture backgrounds--hurt and pain that just gets buried, nobody really wants to or knows how to help anybody with the real heart issues, and so many people have walked away or been pushed away, all because nobody is willing to try and understand, help, or see eye to eye. Is it any surprise my little town of 3,800 people has been known for its high suicide rates? People just need to understand each other more...

That being said, I can relate with you.

I really loved the poem. On a more positive note it actually reminded me of my girlfriend and the re-commitment and extra efforts we've both had to give to our relationship, saying, "But I don't think it's anything to be worried about, really. So," every now and then, giving a little even when we'd rather not, because it'll never be easy.

All this to say, well done, and thank-you for sharing (:
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the beautiful interpretation. Sometimes in relationships, you have to give a little more than anything. :hug: Thank you for your words.
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:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Always a pleasure! (:
Reply
:iconkittyofdeadlypoking:
KittyOfDeadlyPoking Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
This is wonderful, I very much like it. And I understand how you feel, though my issues feel more insignificant compared to yours. None the less I know what it feels to keep such things secret and smile everyday like it never happened. I am sorry that people act that way toward you, but chin up and know you aren't alone. And seems there are plenty of people here willing to support you :) I do hope things look up for you.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your kind words. I really needed them today. :hug:
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:icontheolivethief14:
theolivethief14 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so sorry.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
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:icontheolivethief14:
theolivethief14 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart: :huggle:
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:iconapollosun87:
ApolloSun87 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Know that feel girl. :(
Except I can't cry anymore.
But otherwise, yes.
I hope things get better.
:)
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:glomp: I love you. :)
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:iconapollosun87:
ApolloSun87 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love you too. Like really. Your writing helps me a lot. :)
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:iconlacriyme:
Lacriyme Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
I'm so sorry that people are saying those sorts of things to you.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's all right. People are just silly. :(
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:iconlacriyme:
Lacriyme Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The sad truth :/
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:iconsixstringmatt:
SixstringMatt Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
:hug: I know there are cultures where women are expected to be quiet about things like what happened to you. And I won't tell you how to deal with it. It's your situation and your choice. I will say, if you ever want to talk to someone who cares... to vent, or just.... NOT have to bury the hurt and smile... you can talk to me, if you choose to. Everyone needs someone sometimes :hug:
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awww...thank you so much, Matt. I have missed you, just so you know. :hug:
Reply
:iconsixstringmatt:
SixstringMatt Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
It feels amazing to know I am so thought of, and cared for, and missed. Thank you, so much :D Note me anytime you need anything. :hug:
Reply
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
i love this!
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!! :D
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:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student Writer
you're welcome:)
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:iconcohra:
cohra Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student General Artist
It's really great, and that's something that I don't say often about a piece of literature (: Really amazing work.
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