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Submitted on
August 4, 2012
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
"I need a favour. You got a minute?"

No. No I don't.
My heart feels ripped out of my chest and trampled on too often.
My ears open to screams in the morning.
My eyes close crying every night.
My mind always turns dreams into nightmares.
My lungs contract too soon for me to catch my breath.
My worries far outweigh my years.
My brain feels overworked, overwrought, so tired.
My stomach cramps every night and I curl up in pain.
My knees weaken often but I'm still standing.
My mouth goes dry and I can't speak.
My hands dampen because I have too much to think about.
My bones feel weaker than they ever have before.

But I don't think it's anything to be worried about, really.
"Sure. How can I help you?"
Sometimes. People. Just. Make. Me. Want. To. SCREAM!

EDIT: For the people who are saying things like 'stand up for yourself' and 'not judging but you should be happy', it is very hard to be happy when you have to keep secrets like rape and miscarriage for fear of secondary victimisation. The people in my country are not nearly as understanding. Virginity has a high value and if you are not a virgin, even against your will, you are trash. My family actually told me to hide what happened to me and pretend it never happened. This poem is the scream for help I feel every time I have to swallow my own pain and pretend to be normal for someone else who is asking me for a favour.

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WargusEstor Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate to this poem and also partially to what it says in artists comments as I too have suffered abuse. I'm sorry that it should happen to you :huggle: I'm terribly sorry that your family feels this way about the subject too.

That said, your writing is beautiful
Nikki-ism Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012
LordOfTheRingsFan Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Unfortuately, a lot of people probably feel this way, including me... beautifully done. :)
MintyMintamin Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
normal, is a paradox

i'm sorry this ever happened to you,
people, can be, are, just cruel to each other. . .

. . .i wish to say more, but i dont know where i will venture off to. . .
GOHIBI Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012
My dear heart, you do stand up for yourself. Every time you write. Every time you take a photo. Every other piece of atr you do, you are standing up and saying I am still here and I won't be stopped. I am grateful to know you even as I do here. I don't want to just have your back, I want you to feel I am beside you. I understand about saying yes even when everythng in you wants to say no. Again I read and weep. I have shared some of the things you have experienced. I would so hold you until your tears were dry if I could.
debidebdebdeb Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012
Why can't you tell the person you are closest to? It will set you free. Really. It will. You have ruined the greatest thing that happened to either of us. You let the secrets(and the people who victimized you) continue to control you and torture you every day. You also now allow them to hurt me through you. Why?Why can't you tell me? Why don't you tell me? You don't trust me ? I have not earned your trust by now? I told you everything. But I am not worthy of the same. We never will have intimacy until you can tell me everything. And you won't. That's why I gave up. You are in pain because you have the ability to end it any time. All you have to do is make it so a secret is not a secret. Then it loses all the power it's held over you all these years. I can't beliee you gave me a speech on secrets an lies and how they ruin relationships. Well they do. You watch me every day. I don't have any secrets from you. But how many do you have from me? That's why we have nothing. And you hold the key to all of it. All the pain could go away.
I will love you and accept you no matter what. Don't you see that by now? (this is for my friend that told me to read this poem. I guess it really resonated with her.) Change something today please,my love. Do you care anything about how I feel? Can imagine what it is like to be me? Let go of the secrets. Free both of us. Please. How long will you let this go on? I love you, but hate you because you let secrets and lies destroy us, you, me. Its a choice you make, every day. I can't forgive you for doing this. For not sharing your deepest darkest sectrets. You tell me I am not your best friens, not your soulmate, and I don't meant as much to you as you claim. That hurts me so deeply.
I would take your secrets on my shoulders too. I will help you and support you. We could do it together. That is what people who love each other do. MU
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So true. So very true indeed.

At least you speak up and are open to talk about it - this'll help those who've suffered from such a trauma.

Reminds me of Joyce and Hesse - not through the work itself but on a relative perspective. Joyce and Hesse were Jungian patients; the former because of his daughter (Jung analyzed him through his daughter and generally through casual interaction) while the latter was a direct patient of the psychologist. Their inner turmoil was in a way like this; Joyce was disillusioned with being something he was not, while Hesse (suffering from exile, humiliation, the death of his son, the mental deterioration of his father, the trauma of being disregarded by his fellow Germans) was more or less in a deadpool till Jung came in.

What both had in common was their constant support for everyone - though they were two entirely different giants in their own right (you of course would know that better than I would so I'll spare the details).

yeah... that's about it - body speak, mouth don't.
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Talking to you is always an education. I would actually like to have a conversation with you one day over the phone or gmail or something. It would be fascinating to talk to someone so knowledgable. :hug: note me and let me know!! :D
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*scratching the back of head* I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable person on the planet, I just say what I've read or learnt... but if your up for it... awesome :) :hug: I'll send you a note sometime then, we'll have a conversation.
dragonfuture Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, were you raped? I didn't know. :omfg:
I really love this. It's so familiar...
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