literature

I'm Not the Marrying Kind

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UntamedUnwanted's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

I'm not the marrying kind.

I have stones in my hair instead of flowers,
And a rosebush of thorns is more poignant to me.



I'm not the marrying kind.

My words aren't pretty or wise,
And I can't sing about anything but a broken heart.



I'm not the marrying kind.

I am the sort of damaged you see in an old recorder,
And the kind of old in an instrument that breaks into a billion pieces at a touch.



I'm not the marrying kind.

Neither neat, nor tidy, nor correct in my behavior,
And yes, I did in fact tell you to fuck yourself.



I'm not the marrying kind.

I do not stay silent in arguments,

And I like to lie compulsively, just to see your face change.



I'm not the marrying kind.

I am not the ideal of any lady, nor her likes,

And I do not allow any man to walk all over me.



No. I am not the marrying kind.

But I do like the idea of a little girl with her mother's determination,

And a man who smiles at me like I am his most treasured possession.
Just because I know I'm not the marrying kind...doesn't mean I can't be the loved kind.




(I should label these Before K and After K. This one was before K, when I was sad and depressed and rather low on myself because I had stopped believing anyone could actually care about me...I met him the very next day. And he makes me feel like the loved kind. :))


EDIT: Okay, context for all the people judging me and telling me there is something wrong with me: When someone has told you that you are damaged because you have a past, aka rape, miscarriage etc, etc, then eventually you start believing them. Please don't think I do not invest in my relationships because I do, only to be told I'm not good enough because I am not a virgin, speak out when I am being cheated on, not of the 'right' religion or their parents won't approve of me because I was raped and lost my children (Someone mentioned gender roles over here. I don't know where it is written that a woman has to be a virgin, chaste and do exactly what a man tells her to do to be a good wife either.).

So I say to all of those who have broken me: Maybe I am not the marrying kind. But since I can love with all my heart, maybe I do deserve a little bit of happiness anyway. Despite being the damaged 'fallen' woman that I am. :)

I think this background to the poem is important. :)




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Freak-With-Issues's avatar
I have found myself in a similar situation as yourself. I have a bit of a bumpy past and marriage doesn't entice me, but love certainly does. I've also recently found someone to give this love to me so I hope the man you met the next day can make you the loved kind.