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I was armed with half a deck of emotions, two thirds of a heart and eyes of a broken mirror that offered no protection to my soul. I wanted to talk about it often and whenever I needed to, the words would tangle in my mouth, come out as a compliment of a shirt, an idea that had no relevance, a conversation about the weather. I was eighteen. I wanted to be stronger, brilliant, bright like a comet in the sky. Instead, I learnt about how beds could be the most loathed places in the world, bathrooms were meant to be soaked in blood...and men with eyes like knives sometimes used them against people they loved.

I was armed with shards of strength, a misplaced sense of determination and the kind of bravery that only the damned can have. Words haunt, especially when all you have to your name is a broken little mind, a need for validation and an honest fear of losing someone you love. I was twenty. I wanted to make sure that the world around me realised I existed, I wanted to shine for my sake, my daughter's sake. Instead, I fell to pieces when it came to protecting her, felt the weight of a foot my stomach's size and realised that there was little justice in the under heart of a broken man.

I was armed with broken experiences, episodes of heartfelt sorrow and fragility that made my therapist question my mental balance. The burdens of my past were shouldered by the weakness in my knees, a shaking they associated with post traumatic stress and eyes that would better belong on the face of a much older woman. I was twenty two. Idealism, familial ties and too many a cruel woman had found its place squarely between our bed and hearts. I loved him too easily. It took time, the loss of two more children and six months of healing before I realised the truth. No one told me that love was connected with veins and veins with the life that was only lent to us for a short while before it was reclaimed by the ones who gave it to us.

You called me weak. Alone. Sad. Because I had tried to trust despite myself, learned to love beyond my abilities, reached for the stars when my feet were rooted to the ground. And for a while, a short while, I believed you. I made the sadness a habit. I made you a habit. And I was yours out of habit. And a habit is not a good thing. Good things do not hurt you, or make you feel guilty...or break your heart. Habits are vices. And they follow you around for the rest of your life.

I was yours out of habit. But habits can be easily broken. I choose to break the habit.

I choose freedom. Do your worst, I dare you. For this time, I am armed with clear eyes, a soul that is my sword and a full heart.
They say bad things happen in threes.
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:iconxxmusic-musexx:
xXMusic-MuseXx Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This... it might be the mild sleep-deprivation but I cannot find the right words to describe how beautiful and evocative this is.
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:iconxeadas:
Xeadas Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I absolutely loved this piece. It's beautiful.
Reply
:iconhelix7:
Helix7 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2012
this, brings me memories of my horrible past; but in a pensive way
Reply
:iconcoconatsu:
coconatsu Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student General Artist
"I made the sadness a habit. I made you a habit."
Thank you for writing this... your words are so captivating, inspiring...and simply beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconunread-story:
unread-story Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
this is perfect in such a special way. nobody deserves to be happy more than you do, and that's my wish for you.
Reply
:iconkailani-e:
Kailani-e Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Her past was twisted.
Her face was torn.
A lifetime of hurt upon her heart.
Yet.
Today, I saw her
Buying groceries
With the ghosts of children
That she once held
Sorrow twisted marks upon her skin
Yet.
She stood
Her back was straight
Her hair was clean
Her face bright
Her eyes alight
And more than that
She wore
The one thing that befitted her most
A smile.
And with that
I turned on my own light.
And whispered words she wished she had
To the air
T the ghost
To a dream
That one day
Would be hers.
----------------
Stay strong. We missed you.
Reply
:iconbig-the-ed:
Big-The-ED Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2012
Maybe this isn't the right place to ask, but it's on my mind - all your stuff is labeled "flash fiction & vignettes". I'm more than certain by the content and feeling of all your writing, and the 'artist comments' afterwords, that you've no doubt been on the ass end of tragedy, but I never know what's actually happened to you; how much is 'just a story' versus what is an actual account of what's happened in your life.
Reply
:iconarisa324:
Arisa324 Featured By Owner May 30, 2012
I don't think I can find the words to describe this piece...

I'm glad to see that you're doing better :hug:
Reply
:iconxxxfallendreamerxxx:
xXxFallenDreamerxXx Featured By Owner May 29, 2012
I can't find enough words in my being to leave a comment appropriate for this. I'm glad you're deciding to turn your past into something positive. I wish I could do the same, but right now, I just can't. You have inspired me though. I'm now totally determined to get better. Not just for my sake, but for the sake of everyone I care about. Thank you :hug:
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Student Writer
Well, I hate to say I told you but..... I told you so.... You were always so much stronger than you thought you were, although now I think you are finally realizing the power you wield in your words, your pictures, and most of all your heart.

So yea, most people don't like being told I told you so (I know I don't) but in this case I think I'll say it anyways....

And you missed us? Ha, I'm pretty sure we missed you a million times more.

Keep believing in yourself and the power of hope and faith.
Reply
:icon13th-zodiak:
13th-ZodiaK Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Student General Artist
We missed you too, even if you make us cry ;)

On a happier note, it is my solemn belief that everything turns out well in the end. Then again, the end may be further off than you think. But still.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awww!! :( I'm sorry I make you cry! :(
Reply
:iconsana-girl:
Sana-girl Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know that you can do it :heart: And you'll always have everyone here standing right beside you, ready to give support at a moment's notice.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, from the very bottom of my heart for standing by me, love. Your comments are always a pleasure to read. :)
Reply
:iconmaerd7733scaip:
Maerd7733SCAIP Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: Not only that, you've got the full support of a whole bunch of fans on deviantART :) So, yes, you can do it, and no, it won't kill you :D We have faith in you! :hug:

Eh. I've been better, but I've also been worse :shrug: :XD:
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for saying that! :hug:

I'm sorry you aren't feeling great. Whats wrong?
Reply
:iconmaerd7733scaip:
Maerd7733SCAIP Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem :hug:

Just my normal, not feeling good enough for the world :shrug: I'll get over it soon. I always do :)
Reply
:iconilnoitra:
Ilnoitra Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Bad things come in threes but good things come in fours XP
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
True that!! :hug:
Reply
:iconilnoitra:
Ilnoitra Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
XD
Reply
:iconaliceterrarium:
AliceTerrarium Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
This is my goal for my future too; to turn my past into something positive.

For what it's worth "Resist the devil, and he shall flee.."

I'm glad to see you back, I've missed your beautifull words.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for coming back to see my work. I really really really appreciate it. :)
Reply
:iconkaygurl:
kaygurl Featured By Owner May 23, 2012
Very very powerful and poignant and so relevant to my life right now. Wow the way you express yourself presents such a clear image and emotions There was so many yummy lines in there too!
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for saying that. I loved writing this. :hug:
Reply
:iconkaygurl:
kaygurl Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012
You're welcome!!!♥
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is extremely powerful. I just want to reach out and hug you.

But then you are so damn strong in the end that I know that you will be ok.

I absolutely love this piece.

(here's a hug anyway :hug:)

:)
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Thank you! I needed that. :)
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, sweetie. :hug:
Reply
:iconmintybreeze:
mintybreeze Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Here's another hug!
Reply
:iconthelunalily:
TheLunaLily Featured By Owner May 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:iconnewglomp: Thank you!!
Reply
:iconwaldo-butters:
Waldo-Butters Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
#Awesomerific
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:glomp: You're a rockstar, Waldo!
Reply
:iconwaldo-butters:
Waldo-Butters Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Really? When do the groupies show up? And will they have cocaine...?
Reply
:iconother5317:
Other5317 Featured By Owner May 21, 2012
Nightmares arrived not only at night.
In threes they marched -- they scavenge and hunt.
Killers of dream sought weaklings to fight.
Instead they wrought bold opposition:
[1] Tempered by flame (a body of might).
[2] Anchored by mind as vast as the sun.

[3] Guided by soul only toward light.
Instead it was she, not they, who won.
Letters of first name their fate and plight:
Legion of her -- of no more than one.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Why is it that every time you speak, you say the most gorgeous things? :heart:
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:iconother5317:
Other5317 Featured By Owner May 22, 2012
I suspect it has something to do with the source of inspiration :)
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:iconjintsuuriki:
jintsuuriki Featured By Owner May 21, 2012
i'm glad you're back :) i was starting to worry a bit >.<
Beautiful piece again, though i'm sorry for where you got the inpiration.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for reading. Always. And for worrying about me. I wish there was a way I could erase memories, but memories make great art. :P
Reply
:iconeunnie527:
eunnie527 Featured By Owner May 20, 2012
:o Again. Awesome. :o

I'm fine. Just busy with lessons...er...drawing. ^^; You?
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm glad you're working hard. How are lessons going? I love this. [link]
Reply
:iconeunnie527:
eunnie527 Featured By Owner May 24, 2012
Well, well, I guess? :D

Thanks. ^_^
Reply
:iconpoetic-stitches:
Poetic-Stitches Featured By Owner May 20, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Beautiful, as always. Your strength and willpower is inspirational ♥
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You give me my strength. It is borrowed from your words. :hug: Thank you.
Reply
:iconanenalynne:
AnenaLynne Featured By Owner May 19, 2012
this is an insane amount of gorgeous.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :hug: How have you been?
Reply
:icondrawformyne:
drawformyne Featured By Owner May 18, 2012  Student General Artist
You are as brilliant as always :)
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for saying that. You make me feel brave. :)
Reply
:iconelffriend1:
ElfFriend1 Featured By Owner May 18, 2012  Professional Artist
This is... beautiful. Heartbreaking. And oddly empowering.

Thank you for sharing. Truly, truly, thank you.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment that made tears come to my eyes. You make me feel special. :hug:
Reply
:iconelffriend1:
ElfFriend1 Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Professional Artist
:hug:
Reply
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