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Submitted on
September 5, 2010
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Sometimes when I write, I pause to study my hands. It isn't the long pianist's fingers I see first. It's not the man cut, chewed up nails. Or the fact that the middle finger on my right hand sometimes gets a ghosting pain that I have never understood.

(Arthritis plagues my family. I'd rather not understand the pain. Cowardice is a bitter pill to swallow.)

It's the stains of ink that I notice. Black, running into bruised bluish purple on the intersections. Those are the older marks. The newer ones are black that looks un natural wherever it lands. It makes me think of the eighteenth century, of Austen when she wrote. Or maybe, of darker times. When they used to burn people for writing the truth.

(They still do. I just don't like to acknowledge it.)

White estuaries, gashes almost, run along the fingers, at certain, brief, broken points. Beginning and ending, just as abruptly. Some of them, I wear as badges, as the spoils of a war from my childhood. Others I hide in shame. They are more recent, more...obvious. Of things I would much rather forget, but will forever be reminded of.

(Rape is not a pretty thing. I live with the constant reminder on my fingers.)

My age is meant to reflect youth, yet my hands belong to an older woman. The veins show through the skin, to the point that it disturbs me. People slash their wrists so easily, so quickly. It looks painful. It looks like I can do it too. It's so very easy to do it. So very...simple.

(Taking a life is too easy. Living it is too hard. The dichotomy is bittersweet.)

Blue black against paper thin white skin. My wrists are thin, to the point that the joint protrudes through the skin. They were not always that way. They were once healthy, and strong.

(Sometimes a life of luxury is destroyed by fate, only to be replaced by suffering.)

Sometimes when I write, I pause to study my hands. And I wonder what it must be like, to lead a normal life.

(A life where I am not afraid of my own hands.)
Hands sometimes tell a story.

It's not always a nice story.

:iconthewrittenrevolution: :Is this piece too hard to comprehend for the reader? Is there a disconnect in this piece somewhere?

EDIT: Incorporated comments and revised story.
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prettyflour Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You've been featured here:

divafica Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You've been featured here: [link] :w00t:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Student Writer
This story was written close to two years ago....yet I still find my tears cascading from eyes..... :glomp: I want to give you a hug just about every time I see your username cross my screen (about 10 times a day :P).... I can't help it..... *sigh* whatever
Gricken Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I think you did a very good job. I think the vague parts are the beauty of it. The best stories are the ones that make people think. :dance:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much. I really needed to hear that. :)
Gricken Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome :D
Miss-Amapola Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2010
really like this, lovely imagery. i like vague work, it's hard when people don't seem to understand or like what you've written but i suppose it's all part of our personalities. well done :D
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! :D
Yhurr-whun-lisa Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2010
i likee your style of is very intresting :)
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
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