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I snatch my breath after we kiss
because I want to feel you

contract

in my wheezing, useless lungs
not just a craving
but

a desperate need

within


in the physical urge
to breathe you in,

and


make your mystical secrets
a part of my body.
"write poetry" she said after my last asthma attack so I did. Breathlessly.


I actually wrote this one after an asthma attack. Tried to format it to my breathing pattern whilst I was having it...but capturing that kind of frustration is impossible, honestly. :P
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:iconblackfireheart111:
Blackfireheart111 Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. Incredible.
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:iconsilversongwriter:
silversongwriter Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2013
I might have asthma I don't know, I used to use and inhaler. However, I still run and do sports anyway.
Reply
:iconmorningmelon:
MorningMelon Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist
I guess everyone is metaphorically asthmatic when falling in love, struggling to get something we yearn for. Real nice way to convey that idea.
Reply
:iconcaptive-hearts:
Captive-Hearts Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Student General Artist
I totally felt the kind of panting pattern to that. Amazing, I've never seen anything like it. I hope one day I'll be able to write on the same level as you!
Reply
:iconexpresskeeluh:
ExpressKeeluh Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have asthma myself and this was a beautiful poem. It felt real. :heart:
Reply
:iconsarcastic-assassin:
sarcastic-Assassin Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013   Photographer
I didn't notice frustration while I read, I noticed a -need- one that is unconcious in its urgency. I can't say I've ever experienced an asthma attack, and I'm not sure if it felt like one while I read this, but I definitely felt something unsure. Maybe like you worked too hard to portray what comes so natural?
Reply
:iconsimbacub92:
SimbaCUB92 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
I have asthma too and this poem was really amazing.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the compliment. :)
Reply
:icongloryangel:
GloryAngel Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013
Asthma is a pain... I have exercise-induced asthma so it doesn't happen all that often but it sucks when i does.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It really is. Especially when you wake up in the middle of the night bleeding.
Reply
:icongloryangel:
GloryAngel Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013
Oi... -_o I haven't ble because of asthma before ...
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I cough so hard sometimes that I bleed. The doctors told me it was the intensity of the cough causing blood vessels to pop. :( It doesn't happen often but once in a while I get really annoyed.
Reply
:icongloryangel:
GloryAngel Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013
O_O That kinda  makes quadriplegia seem like a cake walk (a cake flop would be more accurate... you get what I meant).
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this is just amazing.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks Ricky! :) That means alot! :)
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :)
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Student Writer
Hm, this is a interesting way to capture both an all-consuming love and an asthma attack into the same poem....I like it, the concepts work well together and the formatting really brings the emotions to light.

Amazing work, m'dear! :)
Reply
:iconirrendernarr42:
irrenderNarr42 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
As I read it for the first time, I felt that the breathing pattern was corporated into this, so it isn't "impossible" as you might think.;)
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
YAY! :)
Reply
:iconirrendernarr42:
irrenderNarr42 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
^^
Reply
:icontotallyuncreativeme:
TotallyUncreativeMe Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the concept of wanting to breathe someone in... This is really cool :)
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the kind words!
Reply
:icontotallyuncreativeme:
TotallyUncreativeMe Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome! :dalove:
Reply
:iconlordoftheringsfan:
LordOfTheRingsFan Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have asthma, and my boyfriends have always complained about me breathing so hard after kissing. =P Nicely done.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you my dear! :)
Reply
:iconhikopawz:
HikoPawz Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have astma??
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes ma'am! :)
Reply
:iconhikopawz:
HikoPawz Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hehe :)
Reply
:iconundauntedifly:
undauntedifly Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Student Writer
Also an asthmatic, also in love with this poem. ^__^ Awesome work, as always!
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much! :glomp:
Reply
:iconmonni18:
monni18 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i understand the hard to write while struggling to breath and i really like this. you captured it nicely ^-^
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, dearest. :hug:
Reply
:iconmonni18:
monni18 Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
youre welcome!! ^-^
Reply
:iconliselottelea:
liselottelea Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
Catchy title, caught my eye. xD And now seriously.
Intriguing formatting, but I am not certain if necessary.
Haven't seen such an approach to love yet. A curious view.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for commenting. :)
Reply
:iconif-cloud-was-a-girl:
If-Cloud-Was-A-Girl Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Really well formed, it was clear what you were going for here, and you did it successfully! :D
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, you made me smile! :)
Reply
:iconif-cloud-was-a-girl:
If-Cloud-Was-A-Girl Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Good to know I've brightened someone's day :)
Reply
:icondeathmask002:
DeathMask002 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Artist

That was awesome I really liked it.

 

Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:icondeathmask002:
DeathMask002 Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist Artist

You're welcome. I got all into it. Captured my full attention, just a wonderful job.

 

Reply
:iconakemi187:
Akemi187 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I get asthma too... I almost died because of it. Twice. Any sign of asthma makes me panic as I recall the pictures of the trauma room, feeling my heartbeat booming like the bells of a funeral...
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I know. :( I had it since I was a child as well...it can be such a crippling problem.
Reply
:iconakemi187:
Akemi187 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Any kind of cough would make me run to my mom. "Mom will I go to a hospital again?" "No..." "But I could die again, right?" "Don't worry about that, sweetheart." Since then I have a phobia of hospitals and all those overly white health buildings... people say "hospitals are where children are born, that a good thing!" but heck, I almost died twice in there. 
Reply
:iconkatsumoto82:
katsumoto82 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013
a amorous fusion
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
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