Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconuntamedunwanted: More from UntamedUnwanted


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
August 24, 2013
File Size
501 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,300
Favourites
134 (who?)
Comments
45
×
I snatch my breath after we kiss
because I want to feel you

contract

in my wheezing, useless lungs
not just a craving
but

a desperate need

within


in the physical urge
to breathe you in,

and


make your mystical secrets
a part of my body.
"write poetry" she said after my last asthma attack so I did. Breathlessly.


I actually wrote this one after an asthma attack. Tried to format it to my breathing pattern whilst I was having it...but capturing that kind of frustration is impossible, honestly. :P
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsilversongwriter:
I might have asthma I don't know, I used to use and inhaler. However, I still run and do sports anyway.
Reply
:iconmorningmelon:
I guess everyone is metaphorically asthmatic when falling in love, struggling to get something we yearn for. Real nice way to convey that idea.
Reply
:iconcaptive-hearts:
Captive-Hearts Sep 19, 2013  Student General Artist
I totally felt the kind of panting pattern to that. Amazing, I've never seen anything like it. I hope one day I'll be able to write on the same level as you!
Reply
:iconexpresskeeluh:
ExpressKeeluh Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have asthma myself and this was a beautiful poem. It felt real. :heart:
Reply
:iconsarcastic-assassin:
I didn't notice frustration while I read, I noticed a -need- one that is unconcious in its urgency. I can't say I've ever experienced an asthma attack, and I'm not sure if it felt like one while I read this, but I definitely felt something unsure. Maybe like you worked too hard to portray what comes so natural?
Reply
:iconsimbacub92:
I have asthma too and this poem was really amazing.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the compliment. :)
Reply
:icongloryangel:
Asthma is a pain... I have exercise-induced asthma so it doesn't happen all that often but it sucks when i does.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It really is. Especially when you wake up in the middle of the night bleeding.
Reply
:icongloryangel:
Oi... -_o I haven't ble because of asthma before ...
Reply
Add a Comment: