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It takes 14 minutes and twelve seconds to walk to your home from mine every day.  Your mother never fails to smile at me when she opens the door. I never fail to notice that it doesn't reach her eyes anymore.

You leave your door open an exact two point three centimeters. I don't think you do it on purpose. There is something wrong with the wood that has left it that way. I pause one foot outside the door and listen to you cough, trying to determine how sick you feel today. I hate that every time I think you are particularly ill, I am always right.

Six months, seventeen days and fourteen hours. That is how long its been since the doctors told us you had an illness. I sat there with your parents, listening to a man who said words like 'terminal' and 'leukemia', and counted the number of times he said 'patient' as if it were your name (Seventeen).

The blood bank says one unit is four hundred and fifty milliliters and I watch as they put the needle into my arm to pump out the blood into a little plastic bag. It takes exactly five minutes twenty one seconds, because I'm holding my arm so tight. If I could give you all my blood so you could feel better for just a day, I would.

It has been seven days, twelve hours and fourteen minutes since the ambulance came for you. Six days, fifteen hours and seven minutes since the doctors told us they couldn't help you anymore. I am counting the drips of the glucose as it goes into your arm, my body wrapped around yours, trying to pretend this is a bad dream.

You say noisily, a laugh escaping your parched mouth, that I am obsessed with numbers. I want to tell you you're wrong. My obsession is you. I say nothing. This is the first time you have laughed in one month, three weeks and two days.

*

Did you know that when someone dies their body weight drops quite suddenly? It is not really noticeable unless you have held them close whilst they are dying, praying to every god that you won't lose them. It is just a touch. But it's there when they leave you.

21 grams. That is the weight of a human soul.
100 Themes: Obsession

EDIT: 21 grams may or may not be the amount of weight we lose when we die. It may just be false. The idea in the story is, a girl so desperate to believe that despite being so rigorously obsessed with numbers, and what is factual, she wants to believe in a soul too.

This girl is me.

I wrestle between science and faith everyday. I would like to share that with you, a non fiction piece, a part of my life.

Sometimes we so desperately wish for something miraculous to be true because we are so completely broken inside.

I want to thank all of you for your kindness and your love, your warmth. :hug: I should say it more often. You inspire me, your words do, to write so much everyday. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. :)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-03-12
Obsession by ~UntamedUnwanted The suggester says, "The author imbues the stark, cold entity of numbers with deep, radiating emotion and significance." ( Suggested by LadyofGaerdon and Featured by thorns )
:iconsurrealnacre:
SurrealNacre Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
that last line, so clever, such a perfect way to end this prose :nod: and i love how this is just so...so real. i can feel it like it's coming directly from your mouth to my ears, like we're best friends sharing our stories...truly a masterpiece of writing right here!
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:icongilluo:
gilluo Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is heart-wrenchingly beautiful!! I salute you! 
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:iconeclecticquill:
EclecticQuill Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Student Writer
Heartrendingly tragic, but oh so beautiful with it.... A truly moving read. 
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:iconsilverwolf51:
Silverwolf51 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
So sad and beautiful. Numbers are cold, but what's behind the numbers are what matters!
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:icondrizzlinghurricane:
drizzlinghurricane Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
*crying*
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:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, amazing. :heart:
You are so wonderful, Nikita. :hug: <3
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:iconintroverted-ghost:
introverted-ghost Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2014   Writer
This is really beautiful.
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:icondancingblackr:
DancingBlackR Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing and beautiful. I'm on the verge of tears because this piece touched me. Heart  Hug 
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:iconsilversongwriter:
silversongwriter Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2013
I think this is amazing. What I love about your work is that you usually tie everything together, which is starting to become a lost art. This is one of my favorite pieces of literature I've come across in a while
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:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi!! Your amazing work has found a place in my october feature: fav.me/d6omx1o :D I hope you find some time to look through the other works of art I've featured!!
Reply
:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:wave: Hello!

I've used your awesome deviation as part of my #TheTitlePage project, found here: liliwrites.deviantart.com/art/…

Thanks for sharing your art with the community. :heart:
Reply
:iconblacksheep6:
BlackSheep6 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my... oh my. I don't know what to say. I'm on the verge of tears now and there are not many things I've read that have made me feel like that. You're an amazing writer when you can bring out such strong emotions in people with just a few words. :heart:
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:iconmuzicraven:
MuzicRaven Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
by far one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever hapened to read. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
Reply
:iconactsofart:
ActsofArt Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I had to read this after ~shehrozeameen compared my poem Tears to it. He said the use of percentages reminded him of it and after reading, I have to say there is a certain semblance to style.

I have to say this poem is very good. it has a depth that I often struggle to achieve in my poetry and flows really well. (it is nothing like my poem Tears except in similarity of style and use of numbers)

This piece is quite touching although I'm not sure the bold words actually add anything to it, yet at the same time I do feel some sort of emphasis is necessary so maybe you were right to do so. I think maybe italics might work better but it's hard to tell.

I like how it is split into short paragraphs so it reads more like the story it is and less like stylistic poetry. I think it has more impact that way.

Very nice, lovely deep and full of meaning
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2013   General Artist
Belated congratulations on the DD, darling friend! :love:
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:iconmissytimberwolf:
MissyTimberWolf Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2013  Student Artist
I teared up a little bit...
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:iconcobean:
Cobean Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This story is very touching, I feel like I can somewhat relate to this. My twin brother had leukemia. It took two years, 6 months and 28 days for him to get better with my blood. He is now healthy and pretty much like his old self, though we don't look the same anymore. This story makes me feel that the best thing I ever did was gritting through all those needles, puncturing me. Trying to get me ready to help him. Excellent story^^
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link] Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconangel709:
angel709 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
this has really touched me, i dont even know how to put it into words....
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:icon123roo123:
123roo123 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I think I'm crying... You are really talented. ><
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:iconzephiel:
ZEPHIEL Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
*Hugs*
The feels....
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:iconsleepy-kisses:
sleepy-kisses Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Heartbreaking, beautiful and wonderfully written.
One of the best pieces I've ever read <3
Reply
:iconotakupowerbro:
OtakuPowerBro Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You have... so very much...inspired me.
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:iconcrystalthewhitewolf:
Crystalthewhitewolf Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
what an outstanding and beautiful story. <3
Reply
:iconpeepersbird:
peepersbird Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have spent time this mornig reading your literature. You have such depth to your soul....know your true self and have not allowed trauma in your life to keep capture you in bondage. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experriences with us other living souls that experience trauma and joy throughout our ever shifting lives. It is refreshing and enlightening to have you with us. :0).

Terri
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:iconradiationalpha:
RadiationAlpha Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Das ist erstaunlich! I have never read something so deep.
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:iconbreezybrutality:
breezybrutality Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ohp, I'm crying >.<
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:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is truly amazing. Perfect wording throughout. Definitely very worthy of the daily deviation it received!
Reply
:iconsynesthi:
Synesthi Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012
As a person who survived a chronic and life-threatening disease, I felt every word you wrote. You captured the fear and the desperate desire to find something real to cling to just as I remembered feeling it. I broke down when you mentioned the doctor using the term patient like it was a name. It made me cry. Thank you so much.
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:iconabundiantus:
Abundiantus Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely beautiful. I feel every word you have typed here. I could almost say that they came from my very own mouth, but I cannot type or speak so stunningly. I do not know you, and you do not know me, however this piece of your life that you chose to share with the world pulled me in and helped me understand you in a very intimate way. If this is what in part lies in your heart, it is a masterpiece beautiful.

I love this piece, and I truly feel it. I only wish that I could see how your hands would write this on parchment and see how you feel inside. Could that make this anymore beautiful? A sliver of you is truly here.
Reply
:icondezaruthebeast:
Dezaruthebeast Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome. And sad. :(.
All in all a beautiful work. Good job. And no I am not crying in the slightest. (Sniffles)
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:iconwritensing:
WriteNSing Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing
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:iconhappy-person64:
Happy-Person64 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012
:'( Beautiful!!
Reply
:iconjimbobeamish:
JimboBeamish Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
can't you have both faith AND science ? they're not exclusive are they ? science is belief in what you can prove, and faith is belief in what you can't. just don't be too dogmatic about it. as if you would :)
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:iconunderorion:
underorion Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012
your writing is the kind that I can read a million times and never tire of; it is the kind that strikes chords in my soul and sends rhythms I'd never before known reverberating through my very veins...never stop writing. I will buy your book when I can, and any others you put out....good luck.
Reply
:iconamiprodigy:
AmIProdigy Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is so incredibly deep. I feel so bad for you, yet applaud the fact that you can pour your soul into this story, and let us on DA know exactly what this is like, whilst we may never have to endure such a thing.
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:iconsignalspells:
signalspells Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012  Student Writer
I love this because I am a diagnosed kid with obsessive compulsive disorder and this is how I would attempt to cope with that trauma. I know you wrote this completely unaware of how much this would resonate with me, but Thank you!
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:icondaveinwilton:
Daveinwilton Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Professional Photographer
Had to come back and read this again. I still love it, and think of it occasionally at work. It now lives if my faves. Thank you for sharing this piece of your heart.
Reply
:iconinquityonhigh:
InquityOnHigh Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012  Student General Artist
This is the most beautiful thing i have ever read.Please,keep writing.Your talent amazes me.
Reply
:icontiraluv:
tiraluv Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2012
I was right next to my brother when his brain stopped functioning. From that point, my body and mind were numb right until the moment, a week later, when his body followed. I feel a strange kinship to this. The use of numbers to show the attention to detail, able to capture EXACTLY how much love is there. I hate math, it always seems so passionless to me, but it's like every digit has an injection of an emotional word. Five minutes twenty one seconds of hope, six days, fifteen hours and seven minutes of fear... this is beautiful.
Reply
:iconcinnbad:
Cinnbad Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2012
Thats a beautiful story, made me almost cry. :')
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's so beautiful! I love this line the most "Your mother never fails to smile at me when she opens the door. I never fail to notice that it doesn't reach her eyes anymore."
You keep a poetic voice even in prose, which I admire, and the idea easily comes through.
Reply
:icon143peace:
143PEACE Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Student Writer
beautiful, you are an amazing writer
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is an exceptionally well written work. The bold's play their part beautifully, the story line proceeds smoothly and without use of excessive works (very much like my own). The short work also gives out the personality of the girl very well; her emotionless ways of expressing things and how she perceives things. Beautifully written but what I loved most...

was the fact that the idea is utterly unique! I never heard of such an idea (well that is why it is unique) and you have developed it beautifully! When I have time, I will make it a priority to go through your works xD
Reply
:icondaveinwilton:
Daveinwilton Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Professional Photographer
Deeply insightful, calculating, and gripping; with a lot of soul (21 grams or not)
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:iconvampluv101:
vampluv101 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012
thats a realy good story. super emotional
Reply
:iconkosett:
kosett Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2012  Hobbyist
Beautiful.
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:iconi-hate-that-i-care:
I-Hate-That-I-Care Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2012
This is so very incredible. I love it, and it is my favorite out of all your writing. :)
Reply
:iconyo-yo-girl12:
Yo-yo-girl12 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
This is incredible.
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this reminds me very much of the song Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens - not so much the obsessiveness and the constant waiting but the sentiments, the struggle.
a beautiful piece with heart-wrenching honesty.
Reply
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