literature

Obsession

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

March 12, 2012
Obsession by ~UntamedUnwanted The suggester says, "The author imbues the stark, cold entity of numbers with deep, radiating emotion and significance."
Featured by thorns
Suggested by LadyofGaerdon
UntamedUnwanted's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

It takes 14 minutes and twelve seconds to walk to your home from mine every day.  Your mother never fails to smile at me when she opens the door. I never fail to notice that it doesn't reach her eyes anymore.

You leave your door open an exact two point three centimeters. I don't think you do it on purpose. There is something wrong with the wood that has left it that way. I pause one foot outside the door and listen to you cough, trying to determine how sick you feel today. I hate that every time I think you are particularly ill, I am always right.

Six months, seventeen days and fourteen hours. That is how long its been since the doctors told us you had an illness. I sat there with your parents, listening to a man who said words like 'terminal' and 'leukemia', and counted the number of times he said 'patient' as if it were your name (Seventeen).

The blood bank says one unit is four hundred and fifty milliliters and I watch as they put the needle into my arm to pump out the blood into a little plastic bag. It takes exactly five minutes twenty one seconds, because I'm holding my arm so tight. If I could give you all my blood so you could feel better for just a day, I would.

It has been seven days, twelve hours and fourteen minutes since the ambulance came for you. Six days, fifteen hours and seven minutes since the doctors told us they couldn't help you anymore. I am counting the drips of the glucose as it goes into your arm, my body wrapped around yours, trying to pretend this is a bad dream.

You say noisily, a laugh escaping your parched mouth, that I am obsessed with numbers. I want to tell you you're wrong. My obsession is you. I say nothing. This is the first time you have laughed in one month, three weeks and two days.

*

Did you know that when someone dies their body weight drops quite suddenly? It is not really noticeable unless you have held them close whilst they are dying, praying to every god that you won't lose them. It is just a touch. But it's there when they leave you.

21 grams. That is the weight of a human soul.
100 Themes: Obsession

EDIT: 21 grams may or may not be the amount of weight we lose when we die. It may just be false. The idea in the story is, a girl so desperate to believe that despite being so rigorously obsessed with numbers, and what is factual, she wants to believe in a soul too.

This girl is me.

I wrestle between science and faith everyday. I would like to share that with you, a non fiction piece, a part of my life.

Sometimes we so desperately wish for something miraculous to be true because we are so completely broken inside.

I want to thank all of you for your kindness and your love, your warmth. :hug: I should say it more often. You inspire me, your words do, to write so much everyday. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. :)
Comments674
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SurrealNacre's avatar
that last line, so clever, such a perfect way to end this prose :nod: and i love how this is just so...so real. i can feel it like it's coming directly from your mouth to my ears, like we're best friends sharing our stories...truly a masterpiece of writing right here!