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I am not here. These are not hospital walls. This is not a nurse who is speaking to me. That is not John unconscious, lying in a bed that faces due North, and that is not his mother trying to explain why his bed should always face North because he hates sleeping facing South.

This is not happening.

I am not taking a deep breath. I am not walking down the sickly white corridors with their bleach scent. I am not buying this cup of coffee from a cafeteria lady who is working at an hour that is reserved only for intensive care patients. This is not the way back to what is not John’s room.

That is not his heart rate dropping, and I am not running out of the room, screaming for help. We are not being pushed out, that door does not have a red light that claims intensive care, it has not been all night.

That is not John’s doctor explaining how they were not able to pump his stomach completely and it is not John who flat lined. That is not an empty hospital bed. That is not his mother in shock and these, these are definitely not my tears.

*

This is not a funeral. And if it is a funeral, it is not John’s. Because it just can’t be. I met him last week and he was fine.

We were fine.


*

“Name an unusual fact about the stomach.” He had asked me on one of our study dates.

“The stomach has acids strong enough to dissolve zinc.” I answered.

So he ate lead instead.
Denial, denial, denial.

No fancy words, nothing but the psychological state of denial.

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:iconlithiumdelight:
LithiumDelight Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Those last three lines hit me...and I just got out of bio class for the day. We need a little bit of zinc in our systems which is why our stomach acids can dissolve it...lead, not so much. 
Damn.
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:iconcaptive-hearts:
Captive-Hearts Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh my god. That was incredible.
Reply
:icongdeyke:
GDeyke Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013   Writer
This hits hard. Those last few lines - beautiful and heartbreaking ending.
Reply
:iconrussiangentleman:
RussianGentleman Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You know, you might not be an author, but you are dfinietely my favorite writer now. I love the stuff you write. :3
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:iconpoeknowsprose:
poeknowsprose Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
Well done. Very emotional and powerful.
Reply
:iconrojozorra:
Rojozorra Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Hit me right in the feels. You always seem to find an emotion and hit it on the head to drive it home with your words. And this is why I love your work.
Reply
:icontoriaaa1819:
Toriaaa1819 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013
Wow.... I think my brain just did flips... Very emotional.
Reply
:iconashurrii24:
ashurrii24 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is probably one of my favorite pieces you've done!
Thank you for your beautiful work! :D
Reply
:iconlikepianomusic:
likepianomusic Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2013
Incredibly powerful. Wow.
Reply
:iconmangosquirrel:
mangosquirrel Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
the tidbits at the ending are really well done.
a wonderful and captivating piece; wonderful work.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It was slightly exaggerated so comment "similar to 'Obsession'"on the previous work but not on this one. The style is similar yet different. The style of the protagonists conversation is surprisingly believable and does not at any moment feel awkward. Which is something you manage to do well. There are many portions I can quote that were worded very well.

The ending like always has a strong impact with it but I am slightly double minded... The eating lead... it does not seem to be figurative... and if it isn't... eating lead almost makes me think that John had a mental disorder of perhaps instability... or perhaps he was  inclined towards suicide - which seems to agree with the title - but if this was suicide, "study dates" seems slightly off as an instance of suicide. Having said that, I haven't personally met too many people of the sort so I may be judging this incorrectly.

Nevertheless, a gripping title that makes beautiful sense after one has finished reading the complete work complemented by a gripping tale that makes beautiful sense after rereading the title.
Reply
:iconchewyraezen:
chewyraezen Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh goodness. potent. reaches deep into the gut and doesn't let go. this is powerful.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! That means a lot! :)
Reply
:iconmockingbird1238:
Mockingbird1238 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That piece of literature just blew my mind it was so good. Very emotional. Good job :) 
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much! :hug:
Reply
:iconmockingbird1238:
Mockingbird1238 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Np :) 
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:iconhoshihitode:
HoshiHitode Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Student Writer
My town had 3 suicides in 3 months. . . 1 on the month anniversary of the first. all highschool/jr high age. (2 high school, one jr high. 1 in febuary, the other the week before graduation) this is quite touching. very nice job :)
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for commenting, my dearest. I am sorry to hear about whats happening in your town. That must be very painful. :(
Reply
:iconhoshihitode:
HoshiHitode Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Student Writer
It wasn't painful for the first 2... but the one that commited right before graduation was one of my friends... that was hard. i could barely make it through the viewing. i didn't stay for the rest.
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A very intriguing and captivating piece to read. It definitely makes your mind turn and spin. I got it fairly quickly, so there was no struggle with understanding, which is a good thing with type of piece. There are times people try to make things so complicated that no one understands where they are going with a piece. This was straight forward, but in a no direct way (if that makes sense). Well done. 
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That is high praise. Thank you for your kind words. :hug:
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconkaelamae:
kaelamae Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Student Writer
"And he was fine. We were fine." That last part really stuck out to me. Very powerful piece, I could feel this the entire way through. Breathtaking.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your lovely comment, my dearest! :glomp:
Reply
:iconjettskii:
JettSkii Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. Top-hole, mate. Top-hole, indeed. 
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :hug:
Reply
:iconjettskii:
JettSkii Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sure thing.
Reply
:iconmintybreeze:
mintybreeze Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ahh. I'm tearing a little. This really made me think of someone. I suppose the narrator can't blame herself but she can't not not blame herself either. 
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry. :cuddle:
Reply
:iconmintybreeze:
mintybreeze Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Short story but I could visualize the whole scene perfectly. I really like this, I could feel the whole atmospheres and how you wish some things weren't true when there were. The ending really made an impact.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love your comments. You always make me smile and they mean the world to me! :hug:
Reply
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That ending. God that ending. This is so well-done. I can really appreciate the simple sentence structure you used here too; it helps to keep the piece, I don't know, it stilts the flow which is exactly what you needed to do.
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so so much! :hug:
Reply
:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
Beautiful and sad as fuck, but in that real way. :heart:
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, my dearest! :heart:
Reply
:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013
You are most welcome, sweetheart. :hug:
Reply
:iconrejectedsavior:
RejectedSavior Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is probably the most real piece I've read. Ever. And it doesn't happen often that someone else writes something this close to home. At least for me. Amazing job.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That is such a lovely comment. I am so glad your enjoyed this. :hug:
Reply
:iconrejectedsavior:
RejectedSavior Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I really did :)
Reply
:iconprussia-awsome:
prussia-awsome Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Love the ending!
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!! :hug:
Reply
:iconprussia-awsome:
prussia-awsome Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're very welcome! :)
Reply
:iconpixiepoxphotography:
PixiePoxPhotography Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Umkay, that was brilliant. It really nails that thought process and emotions during that moment. Thank you for sharing!
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconmikami01:
Mikami01 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013   Writer
I don't think intense is a strong enough word for this. I'm actually speechless after reading this piece..
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, so so much! :hug:
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Holy shit.

This is...beyond words.
Reply
:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
OhmiGOSH!! I am so so so pleased you read this, and so honoured, your writing is incredible!!! (I totally fangirled there a little bit, but your words are just so moving!) :glomp:
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Why would you fangirl over me I'm nothing special pft--

But I meant it! It was just so thought provoking and deep.
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very well written. So true to life, as well.
Reply
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