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October 30, 2012
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1.

"Turn loose the mermaids," you demand this angrily, clenching your fists you do when you really mean it, "Turn them loose now!" You're yelling at Ursula and her trident as she grows into a shocking sea monster.

(Outside the waves agree with you. Turn them loose, they crash against the metal in the righteous indignation of the sea. Turn them loose!)

At some point your mother will watch this with you. She will wonder why you revolt for the mermaids when there are none on the screen.

(I cannot get them to turn loose the mermaids if I cannot get them to turn me loose first.)


2.

You have always known what you wanted to do with your life. A truck driver, no, a zoo keeper, no, an animal doctor..

(An engineer, a doctor, a surgeon is something you never dreamed of. Probably because it is complicated. You don't like complicated. Complicated means work, and work is something you have never actually liked to do.)

3.

You have to remember the corridors of the ship you were in. You remember how they moved when the ship rocked?

(People are always afraid when the ground moves. Your ground never stopped moving and that was the way you always liked it to be.)

You liked to jump down the stairs of a rocking ship because you loved to hear your father calling you brave and your mother insist you were going to hurt yourself.

(This would continue your whole life. You were either brave, or you were going to hurt yourself. More often than not, you were both.)

4.

The word ruthless is sometimes used to describe the sea. When you remembered her, she was a nursemaid with troubling moodswings. Ruthless applied better to your mother. But the word itself meant nothing. The actions did themselves better in justice when a three year old child has to contend with jeweled fingers that bruise more than just flesh, more in your head who you are...

Remember why? You wet the bed, you broke a glass, spoke up, didn't finish your dinner, your homework.

(The word sorry meant absolutely nothing.)

5.

Certain mistakes are unforgiveable and the kind of unforgivable that haunts you takes your heart and breaks it into a billion pieces. Sometimes, the worst kind of sea monsters are the ones on the inside.

Wounds are bigger on the inside as well...but that is a different story, a different day and an entirely different sort of pain.

Young you knew what it meant you live life as seconds by metaphors on the ship that was the faraway tree and the wishing chair combined for the lands it took you to.

Somewhere between then and now...you lost one of your four spines.

This was always going to be unforgivable on any damned level.

6.

Turn loose the mermaids.

Turn them loose.

Turn loose the mermaids.

Turn them loose.

Turn them all loose...

...set them free.


(And set me free too.)
A section of one of the almost books I was writing. You can see why it failed miserably. :P
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:iconmintymintamin:
MintyMintamin Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you should complete this book. . .

turn them loose.
turn us loose,
let us live on through your words. . .

turn them loose.
turn us loose,
we wish to be free and alive. . .

set us free,
we see new light,
and wish to be bathe in its brilliance. . .
Reply
:iconxxblackblossomxx:
XxblackblossomxX Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Excuse me, " failed miserably".... I think not. If this was an excerpt from an almost book of yours then I can wait to see it when you finally finish it and feel confident about how amazing you are.
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:iconkrusnik03:
Krusnik03 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Whaaat? No, I thought this was so pretty. D:
Reply
:iconconfidencealive:
confidenceAlive Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Durr...I loved this! I think you should refer back to the subject of Constructive Criticism; you are so much more than able in your writing, you aren't a half- anything--especially a writer, but you're seeing the subject while everyone else sees the poem in you. if you catch my drift...
Anyway. Again! I really enjoyed this, I like the abstract theme, the way there's some deeper sense of meaning there to make you think--something so much bigger and deeper and fuller. Ah! I love it!
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:iconthehollowoak:
TheHollowOak Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012
I love your poetry! I would read a book you wrote.
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:icon13th-zodiak:
13th-ZodiaK Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it, it seems pretty cool :) It just needs a little editing and it'll be fine. :hug:
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! Nah, I think I gave up on this one...it was connected to a much larger story and that wasn't working. :P
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:icon13th-zodiak:
13th-ZodiaK Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah well then. I really love that line, though, "Turn loose the mermaids"...
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:iconmarionetteofmusic:
MarionetteOfMusic Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012
I agree with most everyone here when I say this piece didn't fail. At first I didn't understand the numbers, but they make sense to me now. A few bits could be reworded or cleared up, but all works are like that. None are perfect. Really this is still good just the way it is! :)
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:iconuntamedunwanted:
UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much!! This is very different from everything I have written so far! :P
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