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Of Broken Things and a Heartless ManThis is going to be long and stupidly detailed but I think I need to get this out because I have a feeling that I may not be the only girl with a story like this.
A couple of years ago I met a boy called S. He was kind, quiet and made me coffee every morning at an office we both despised for what it represented. I fell head over heels for his quiet charm, his music, his soothing voice: who he was. Except I didn't really know who he really was. Slowly, over the course of the relationship, he began to point out things he didn't like about me. He didn't like the way I overused certain phrases, the way I spoke, the way I sang, and he didn't want to listen to me talk about my past because it burdened him, and he didn't like that...basically all the little things that made me, ME would have to change. This is where I made the most critical mistake.
I changed for him.
I changed who I was to please S. And do you know what? The more I changed to suit his needs, the more demands he put on

For You.. Fur Dich..I am not this perfect angel nor am I of Demons born,
Half of both i stand to oath, truth and loyalty is sworn.
I cannot say I'll guide you through this,
I cannot say we shall not fall.
All I am is just a Man, I pray that you will understand.
But with all that flows within my veins and with all within myself i give
To fight now and forever more for a love in which we both can live..
All seems strange yet all is true...Take my hand and say I do too..
This beautiful poem was not written by me, but by the one who holds my heart. Beautiful, marvellous, wonderful Knight in shining armour, who came knocking at my door one fine morning (literally!) when I least expected it (needless to say, I looked terrible the first time he met me and he STILL liked me. If that isn't love, I don't know what is!)
K, you are an angel. A perfect angel and a perfect man in my eyes.
This poem is his way of saying hi. So say hi back everyone!!

You call it Judgement, We call it SinEmily needs the words to understand that she isn't being unreasonable. She just wants them to mean something and not be a string of words which flows into itself over and over again.

She doesn't like her name either. Not because Emily isn't a pretty name but because she would rather be called something she feels like. (She has never quite forgiven her parents for choosing her name for her.) If she could, she would call herself Glass, because that is what she wakes up feeling like every morning. As if crystallised pieces of glass are edible and her insides tingle as she swallows them whole.

Emily lets the words call her names sometimes. She

A Snowfall CandlelitMy version of winter has always been flawed. It is controlled by the fall of snow and the exact amount of the ground it covers. It never ever covers the tiny little patch in the garden, right near the broken tin roofed shed. I suppose that is why I just like the idea of snow. But I do not love it.

(Realisation: I suppose that little corner represents the only part of me that even I cannot love.)

I met a man with candle lit wolf eyes and a strong, warm lion heart, who tells me Sea God stories before disappearing into a cold, cold winter's morning, fog cloaking his very essence.

(Addendum: Sometimes I think of five a.m. coffee, and wonder if

Turn Loose the Mermaids1.

"Turn loose the mermaids," you demand this angrily, clenching your fists you do when you really mean it, "Turn them loose now!" You're yelling at Ursula and her trident as she grows into a shocking sea monster.

(Outside the waves agree with you. Turn them loose, they crash against the metal in the righteous indignation of the sea. Turn them loose!)

At some point your mother will watch this with you. She will wonder why you revolt for the mermaids when there are none on the screen.

(I cannot get them to turn loose the mermaids if I cannot get them to turn me loose first.)

2.

You have always known what you wanted to do with your life.

Crayon SoulmatesDear Stars,

I have a bone to pick with you. You see, when I was six, I called myself the nowhere girl... and I coloured myself a soulmate. I made him on crumpled sheets, with broken pieces of crayon, on a playground that was too busy wondering whether growing up entailed stealing your mother's cigarettes and your father's dirty magazines (I suppose I was already wise enough to know that growing up meant choosing one of the many ways of breaking yourself in two.)

I hope you remember him, stars...he was important to me (My mother threw that drawing away on my seventh birthday and told me that girls are not supposed to have such dreams.).

He

My Book is OUT!!

So my book is out finally!! YAYAYAYAY!!

David (!Other5317) wrote the most epic foreword for it as well!
From the back of the book:
Nikita Gill offers thirty three stories in the form of almost poems, almost fairy tales, and some very real people behind them. Love, hate, passion...forget all you have ever known or learned. For this is not about the art of living. This is about the techniques of survival. (I hope you're proud, Mr. Darwin.)
And it's available right here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/212387
I am so EXCITED!!!

Back in IndiaMake a mistake, you really pay for it.
I made the mistake of loving my parents despite knowing my mother to be the person who cares more about what her high society friends think than her daughter. I'm on my very last trip back to India because my parents wanted me to come back and see them. I made an effort to make them comfortable back in my home back at university when they came to visit (They were dropping my brother off to school in Scotland). And not just me. K made an effort as well. They loved him. Thought he was an amazing person.
K told me that I needed to be honest with my mother, tell her everything I have been through over the past six years. I knew he was right. My family did need to know, and on one of my last days in the UK, I sat my mother down and told her everything. From beginning to end.
She was very sympathetic over there. Little did I know that it was just to make sure I came back there.
When I got back here, my mother made some things very clear to me. That she

UndeservedI don't deserve to be an artist.
 I don't know how to hold deep meaningful conversations with strangers.
 I don't lament at night about a lover I have lost. 
I don't watch the white smoke ebb into darkness.
 I don't spend lonely nights admiring the true beauty of the world.
 I don't sleep restlessly from the truth of suffering within this world. 
I don't lie through my smiles or struggle to create them.

But I do think I am a writer.
 I am completely, irreparably damaged.
 I cry all night over old words and emotional baggage.
 I weep over my lost innocence. 
I spend nights

Seventeen (In Phases)1.

It was because her parents had named her for the grandmother who had broken her mother’s heart. The grandmother whose heart was supposed to have melted from her birth and hadn’t.

That was why her mother barely looked at her. That was why she called her ‘girl’.

That was why she liked to pretend she was the quiet woman in the background of an old black and white movie. Because everything here was like an old black and white movie.

[And if she really looked back, her mother had never appreciated the elegance of the 1950s enough.]

2.

It was because she hated surprises. The surprise she got on her sixth birthday wh

A Present from KurtZij Hebben mij in een leven zonder zin geworpen, maar dat leven leven kan pas zin krijg als Ik myself verder in werp... Ik heb nu zin in mij leven..
They have thrown me into a life without sense..but that life will start to make sense if i through myself further in...
My life has now sense!
Because of Her

How to Get a Life.Exactly a year and a half ago today, my mother had turned to me and told me something. She had said, "You will never manage in the real world. You will never be independent. Stop trying, you just don't have it in you."
Today, I am happy to say, I have proved her wrong. Because I did exactly what I was supposed to do. I went out and got a life, and the kind of life I am proud of.
Over the last year, I have found my soulmate, completed my Masters, gone to Sweden and South Africa, got a job as a teaching assistant in a special needs school whilst I figure out my PhD and, as of the 8th of March, will be moving to my own very nice apartment with K.
Remember this. If I can do it, ANYONE can do it. I am not special, I am one of the 99 percent, and if I have the strength to fight, it is because you were all by my side every step of the way. Thank you...thank you for being there for me. Thank you for helping me change my world for the better.
I am back for good now, and I am going to try and ge

My Ebook is Going to Come Out Soon!I cannot believe I actually managed to write enough stories to fill up a book, but there you go! I am planning to launch my prosetry ebook over the next week or so! I am so excited about this because this would be the first step to being an author! I have been published in literary journals a couple of times, but this is a whole new ball game, which is nice because I call the shots thanks to the magic of self publishing!

The book itself is called Your Body is an Ocean and has a whole bunch of flashfiction type stories!
I'd love for you guys to see it because it is all your support that has even persuaded me to write the thing in the first place! Please do keep an eye on my facebook page so I can tell you all where it will be available for free download! http://www.facebook.com/pages/UntamedUnwanted/418899081484592
Also, photography feature tomorrow!!

________________________
Have you met these incredible, awesome, talented people?
:iconComeDawn: :iconExtranzia: :iconSutsuki-Sense

City of LightYou are my city.

Your eyes are the gates,
Your soul is my transport
Your veins the roads I must travel.

You should never ever be afraid
of my knowing you too well.
Or of my being too close to you.

 After all,
 Can you ever,
Even after living your whole life in it, 
Know a city too well?

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Submitted: December 5, 2012

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A Special Moment.

Journal Entry: Wed Dec 5, 2012, 2:43 PM

I wanted to share this with you guys because it is by far the most beautiful moment of my life.

It happens to be the day I flew back. The flight back to England was very long, only because I knew what was waiting on the other side and I couldn't wait to see him again.

When I got off the plane, I don't think I have run faster in my life. I stood in front of the area where the bags were coming out and acted like some kind of idiot really because I was literally pacing around it trying to get my bags out as fast as possible. I borrowed a stranger's phone to call Kurt at that moment because I knew when I crossed those doors, he would be waiting for me on the other side. And when I walked out with my trolley of stuff, there he was. Right in the middle wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans, his arms open wide to grab me, I could see him before I even walked out of the doors at Heathrow. I left my trolley at that point because honestly, I didn't give a damn where it went and in seconds I was running, running as fast as I could towards him. We met somewhere in the middle and I jumped into his arms...I have never hugged anyone harder in my life!

And then...the kiss. That moment, when his lips touched mine again, I knew at that very moment I never ever wanted to be parted from him again... That second, that kiss in the middle of Heathrow Airport, the noisiest, loudest place in the world, completed me to the point that I know now, no matter what happens everything is going to be all right. He is my world...this man with his Knight heart and Dragon soul. I couldn't ask for any more love or happiness.

I feel...for the first time in my life...complete.

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Listening to: Mermaid by Okkervil River
Reading: The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer
Watching: The Borgias
Playing: the ukulele
Eating: Bananas
Drinking: Milk

A Special Moment.by *UntamedUnwanted

Journals / Personal

love 4 4

joy 6 6

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

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~ColdBlackRaven Feb 3, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I just stumbled across your profile and this...

you go!

~thedarkestni9ht Jan 23, 2013

awww

*PutYourBraveFaceOn Jan 21, 2013

I am happy for your innocent happiness.

Pure love ... it can make everything fall into the right place.

~SteffenC-itsjustme Jan 4, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I'm so happy for you ^^ (and wow am I late to read and comment on this journal..)

Cherish it, because feeling complete..not a lot of people find that, a few get to experience it for a while but then they lose it, for different reasons, (like me, which is the main reason I'm writing this comment now, instead of what I would have written you three months ago) and even fewer get to live out their lives feeling that kind of completeness. I hope you do. I hope you're one of them, I really, really do.

Best of wishes for the two of you, enjoy 2013 to the fullest. <3